New Year's Air Pollution

I'm not a pooh monster!

Well, I know Christmas and New Year are just distant memories now, but there's no escaping a bit of self-flagellation over my New Year's resolution failings. Oh. Come on. I'm not the only one. I'm just honest enough to hold up my paw and admit that I didn't do as well as I could have. Anyway. I am at your mercy. Judge for yourself.


2012 New Year's Resolutions

1. Pooh in the same area of the garden. Preferably in the one spot and not drop bits over a two metre radius as I move around in my crouched position - impatient to be off chasing frisbees/cats/pheasants/sheep/anything-that-moves.
2. Shut doors behind me and wipe my feet on the mat when I come in. Especially after digging that particularly big hole in which to conceal my hide bone.
3. (Another pooh one I'm afraid) - don't eat horse pooh or roll around in the muck heap (can't see the problem with that myself).
4. If I do accidentally roll in aforementioned muck heap, do not object to being thoroughly hosed down and washed with shampoo (or should that be shampooh?).

Now, I know I only had four resolutions to keep, but I'm a dog for goodness sake. We're born to be what my human friends call 'messy' and 'disgusting' (also 'clever', 'lovely', 'sweet', 'intelligent' oh, I could go on...).

So now that I find myself in the position of admitting defeat, I hereby submit four New Year's Substitutions that I know I will definitely keep.

Butter wouldn't melt in Kasper's mouth. But a Labradoodle might...

2012 New Year's Substitutions

1. If Kasper rolls or canters in the field I WILL run up and down barking at him (on the other side of the fence of course; have you seen the size of his hooves?!).
2.  If I see a body of water large enough in which to submerge my WHOLE BODY, I will do so without being asked - and then shake myself over my human friend's nice, clean trousers.
3. I will torment the nearest gullible person endlessly with my favourite slobber/mud sodden Hovercraft, in my quest to HAVE FUN.
4. I will wag my tail HARD over the coffee table, especially when cups of tea/glasses of water are within my target reach.

Not enough mud on this Hovercraft - yet!

There! That should do it. Can't see that there'll be any failings among that little lot.

It's a New Year Revolution baby. Mwah!